Thursday, January 27, 2011

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

archeress, rhymes with queen


2007 went out like a lamb. we rang in the new year with eva green, a cowboy aeronaut, and an armored bear. plus, a couple of jugs of junmai-ginjo okuden kantsukuri ('mirror of truth'). hello 2008.

Sunday, December 30, 2007

raise the rent


this is what happens when you die alone in new york city. in this case, a woman who was in her 90s. the door gets sealed by the police. landlord happily plans the rent increase.

xmas flu


copyranter brought down by the bug, held down by the cat

Thursday, October 04, 2007

first film job



i think this might be the first time i was ever on an actual film shoot. In college, at LMU in Los Angeles, out behind the dorms, beyond the parking lot, in the field of yellow flowers--venezuelan filmmaker, francisco moreno (above), surveys the location before filming. not far beyond/below this field, was the pacific ocean.

the film was a story about central america. i remember baking a large cake (moreno wanted green frosting with yellow letters like on a map) and cutting it into the shape of central america. the two "generals" --one shown below, argue at a table in the middle of the field, and then they "divide" the land, or cut the cake with a huge knife. note the wardrobe addition of a dollar bill taped like a medal to the uniform.



the woman above (white shirt) was named michelle and i remember that she was from beverly hills and her parents kept a cover on their swimming pool during the winter, and that i swam around in there one night under the cover, which was about two feet off the surface of the water. everyone else was inside watching the academy awards on her parents' giant tv.

so i guess my very first film job was as a food stylist. imagine that. i'm sure there are condos all over that field now.

Friday, August 24, 2007

what has been mankind's greatest invention?

The aeroplane?
Space travel?
The computer?
The internet?
Drugs?
The i-phone?
Major League Baseball?
Labiaplasty?
The A-bomb?

No, no, no, and no.


The greatest invention is the vigorous hot shower.

...something I have not been able to experience lately, due to the petty whims of a lazy and probably micro-penised building superintendent. I am thinking of moving to New Jersey. Seriously.

Or maybe I should go back to Arizona, from whence I came.

Wednesday, August 08, 2007

things to wake up to

list of things acceptable to wake up to at 4:30 am:

-your lover's hands
-a call from the lottery sweepstakes winner confirmation team
-rain storm


list of things not acceptable to wake up to at 4:30 am:

-your super's dog barking incessantly

Saturday, August 04, 2007

keeping score



Canyon del Oro High School Doroados state champs. I was their scorekeeper, and Karen Linn and Julie ? were the bat girls. I remember the names of almost all the players, many of whom I had known since the second grade. Steve Burk, Hank Winter, Chuck and Tim Grady, Dale Heinz, Greg Cohen, Jeff LeCompte, the coach (moustache) Roger Werbylo. The pristine Pusch ridge behind us, now covered with mcmansions, townhouses and senior living communities. i still love baseball.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

making and then waking the dead


film crew sits around getting ready for the rising of the dead sheriff.
boring, hot, dusty day on the set.



creature effects by MMI

Monday, July 23, 2007

these beautiful clouds are the reason





that i got stranded and had to spend the night on the floor of the chicago o'hare airport last week. planes don't fly when there's lightning. and when scores of flights are cancelled, and it's late at night, hotels are full, restaurants closed, and the "cots" provided by the city (otherwise used in homeless shelters i imagine) are all taken. so you lie down behind the baggage conveyor belt, with about fifty other people, and listen to annoying recorded announcements that continue all through the night. people go outside to smoke and then can't get back in until 5am. it was very surreal. it's not for the weak or the neurotic. i had some trouble with it.

when i got to arizona, 30 hours (!) after leaving la guardia, karen's prius picked me up all by itself. i thought i was hallucinating from lack of sleep, but no, i'm pretty sure it was actually driving itself. note the outside temperature, and also the miles per gallon (wow).



the prius told some jokes and cheered me up, and after sleeping for 17 hours straight, i pulled it together and went, late, to my meetings.

fuck o'hare and all the overbooked airlines and their federal bailouts and their CEO bonuses and their brain-dead representatives, and their stupid recorded announcements "if you see something, say something..." ...okay, i see a thousand people stranded like refugees, everything from japanese businessmen in expensive suits, to elderly people, all lying on the floor of the airport. that's what i see. and i see an american woman crying over by the baggage conveyor." hello? is anyone there?

i can't wait to get home.

Sunday, July 15, 2007

no one in his/her right mind...



...would go to arizona in july. well, i have to do it.
this time of year, as eleanor reminded me, you have to be a night owl to survive there.

this is the house where i grew up on pusch ridge. it was built by my dad, and his friend pete, a yaqui indian. we had trees growing inside. the big italian tile bathtub didn't drain very well. my mom bitched about that for years. otherwise it was pretty cool.

and tigger, the desert cat, who got eaten by a coyote at some point. i totally loved that cat.

Friday, June 29, 2007

all in a day's work

Okay, back to business---this is another matching game. Match things that were said to me on some film job somewhere, with the person who said it.


1. I never fly commercial.

2. I only fly commercial.

3. I don't fly.

4. You see that camera? You see this face? Don't ever get in between.

5. I don't need a hotel, I'm sleeping on Emilio's couch.

6. (sung) It's Saturday night and I ain't got nobody, I got some money 'cos I just got paid...

7. Who called? (me: Stephen Baldwin again) Aw christ. He keeps inviting me to his party, and I have to go to because it's Alec's little brother. Come on, guys, let's all just go, what the hell. (groans from Alan Ruck and Christian Slater)

8. Did you pack my suitcase for me? Did you get everything? (me: absolutely, yes) I mean, did you look in the bathroom? (yes, it's all taken care of) Are you sure you looked in the bathroom? (yes, I promise) You got everything?...Where are we moving to tonight?

9. Can we stop at the store on the way to the hotel? I need to buy some underwear.

10. Can you ask Kelly Householder to come in here and give me a blowjob?

11. My cellphone is NOT WORKING. GOD DAMMIT I NEED MY CELLPHONE. JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? (me: we're in a rock canyon, 400 feet on all sides, I don't think any phone will work down here). GET ME A PHONE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, I NEED A FUCKING PHOOOOOOONE!!!!!!


A. Richard Chamberlain


B. Lou Diamond


C. Oliver


D. J Peter Robinson (who?)


E. Gianni Bonjovi


F. Don Johnson


G. Jobeth Williams


H. Emilio


I. Billy Petersen


J. Rick Moranis


K. Ellen Barkin

Sunday, June 24, 2007

archeress's june baseball report


"Paul-Lo-Du-ca" clap, clap, clap clap clap.

Today the Mets finished a sweeping win over the A's, and from the behind-home-plate VIP seats (thanks to the boyfriend's work clients), we watched closely and cheered. It was fun going to Shea last year, and it was fun AGAIN!

We saw Jose Reyes's "run home" (not exactly a home run) in the first inning, and the day just kept getting better. We learned a few things, such as the young Carlos Gomez is truly faster than light. And, built like a tall brick shithouse. And, we witnessed the sound of a John Maine 93mph fastball into the glove of Paul LoDuca (thwack!, or was it fwhhoppt!). Mostly I just enjoyed the game, but I managed a few photos of some of my absolute favorite athletes (when the pieces of shit are playing well, that is).

today's most valuable player, Jose Valentin.


the girls can't get enough of David Wright, but he doesn't yet have a snappy name song.


okay, he ain't Beltran, but he does have nice form.


85 degrees and Rick still kept his coat on.


elegant relief pitcher, has very long hands.


okay, the Lo-Duca bobble-head dolls were only for the kids, 12 and under...

Sunday, June 17, 2007

the frisbee, 2007


incoming platter


we celebrated 50 years of the Frisbee, formerly known as the "Pluto Platter". okay, we didn't know until today that it was the anniversary, so we celebrated (yesterday) without realizing it.


le champ

Sunday, June 10, 2007

did you just say that?

this is a matching game. match the quote with the person who said it to me. these were some of the "funnier" ones.

1. "I've been a junkie for five years and I swear this is the first time my face has broken out."

2. "No, my girlfriend does NOT stay in my hotel room. She has her own room, okay? Make sure that happens."

3. "You sent. a person. with black skin. to pick me up. at the airport."

4. "My wife and I take vacations away from one another." me: "you mean, for a few days?" "more like, a few months."


A. rodney dangerfield


B. jenny "lawnmower man" wright


C. anthony zerbe


D. edie "ferris bueller" mcclurg

Tuesday, May 29, 2007

hello sailors!




we had a memorial day fleet week sighting all the way uptown! how cute are they! one of them had a lot of colorful bars and stripes. just boys, hard to imagine all the things they've seen. "thank you" and "god bless" just doesn't cut it.

Thursday, May 24, 2007

name some names or shut up



Every quarter, the various film unions (this one, SAG) print the names of production companies that have defaulted on their requisite payroll, pension and health contributions, royalty payments, or otherwise. The business is absoultely full of liars and cheaters, but "the unfair list" tells you absolutely nothing. Production company names are nothing more than temporary LLCs set up for the sole purpose of being quickly dissolved and untraceable, while the actual people who run the companies just move from one to another, without being held accountable for anything.

Monday, May 14, 2007

France photos

Rather than go on and on about the most amazing trip, with the most wonderful person, I will simply post a few of our photos and leave it at that. It was indescribable.















Sunday, May 13, 2007

do i miss working on movies?


sometimes yes, more frequently, no. it's not unlike being a carny or working for ringling brothers and barnum and bailey. once in awhile, you get a job where you can live in the same place for many months, which is nicer, because you feel like you really live in the town, experience things as a "local", even though it's an apartment with rented furniture and you never see the bills for any of it.

this photo of bruce glover (the "dealer") and jimmie skaggs is one of my favorites because of its irony. glover, who plays the good guy in the movie is actually an asshole in real life, and jimmie, who plays the bad guy, is (was) the sweetest, most lovely man you could ever hope to meet. i just read on imdb that skaggs died of lung cancer a couple of years ago. why the good people? why?