Friday, June 29, 2007

all in a day's work

Okay, back to business---this is another matching game. Match things that were said to me on some film job somewhere, with the person who said it.

1. I never fly commercial.

2. I only fly commercial.

3. I don't fly.

4. You see that camera? You see this face? Don't ever get in between.

5. I don't need a hotel, I'm sleeping on Emilio's couch.

6. (sung) It's Saturday night and I ain't got nobody, I got some money 'cos I just got paid...

7. Who called? (me: Stephen Baldwin again) Aw christ. He keeps inviting me to his party, and I have to go to because it's Alec's little brother. Come on, guys, let's all just go, what the hell. (groans from Alan Ruck and Christian Slater)

8. Did you pack my suitcase for me? Did you get everything? (me: absolutely, yes) I mean, did you look in the bathroom? (yes, it's all taken care of) Are you sure you looked in the bathroom? (yes, I promise) You got everything?...Where are we moving to tonight?

9. Can we stop at the store on the way to the hotel? I need to buy some underwear.

10. Can you ask Kelly Householder to come in here and give me a blowjob?

11. My cellphone is NOT WORKING. GOD DAMMIT I NEED MY CELLPHONE. JESUS CHRIST, WHAT DO I HAVE TO DO? (me: we're in a rock canyon, 400 feet on all sides, I don't think any phone will work down here). GET ME A PHONE FOR CHRIST'S SAKE, I NEED A FUCKING PHOOOOOOONE!!!!!!

A. Richard Chamberlain

B. Lou Diamond

C. Oliver

D. J Peter Robinson (who?)

E. Gianni Bonjovi

F. Don Johnson

G. Jobeth Williams

H. Emilio

I. Billy Petersen

J. Rick Moranis

K. Ellen Barkin


Jetpacks said...

This game is getting harder. Lou Diamond on Emilio's couch, though.

You've dealt with some serious assholes.

(And Jobeth Williams on the bj request from Householder.)

archeress said...

actually, it was bon-jovi who snuck into town and didn't use his hotel reservation, stayed on a couch at emilio estevez's location apartment. who ever heard of a low-maintenance rock star? i love men from new jersey, period.

emilio is the one who doesn't fly at all. drives his range rover (or his assistant drives him) all over the country if necessary.

All Blog Spots said...

nice blog

Jetpacks said...

Well, I guess there is one decent thing about Bon Jovi.

But Jobeth Williams is a dude, isn't she/he?

archeress said...

she's a woman, jetpacks. poltergeist...the big chill. i guess nobody knows her anymore. once, she was famous enough to easily get me (us) into a small private party with hall and oates. the tall one was friendly, the short one, not friendly. she's the one who forgot to pack underwear and we had to stop at woolco.

who on my list is disgusting and annoying enough to ask for a blowjob out loud in the middle of people trying to work? his initials rhyme, ironically, with "BJ". i thought that one was a giveaway on this quiz.

thanks jetpacks!

David said...

I almost need to print this column out so I can break it down, but here goes. Also, I saw some of the above responses, so I am cheating for three of them. Would have probably went DJ for the BJ, though.

1-K (Barkin no fly commercial)
2-I (Peterson only fly commercial)
3-H (emilio no fly)
4-A (R. Chamberlain, Diva)
5-E (Jovi/Emilio couch)
6-D (WHoever he is singing)
7-B (LDP dissin' Lil' Baldwin)
8-G (JoBeth freaking out)
9-J (Rick Moranis/Underwear)
10-F (BJs for DJ)
11-C (O. Stone being demanding)

I also vote for JoBeth being covered in red slime/tennis balls while asking for her seeming lost makeup/lady items.

Run to the light, Carol Anne's mom.

archeress said...

Answer key:

1-D tangerine dream guy said he didn't fly on regular planes. too bad, i said. you're scoring a low-budget movie (Bodies, Rest, and Motion) and we have no Learjet, I'm afraid.

2-A RC wouldn't fly on a chartered plane with the film crew. he didn't think it was safe.

4-K I got in Ellen's way only once.
6-B Lou sang Saturday night

7-I Billy didn't want to go to stupid Stephen Baldwin's dumb ass party. but he's so nice, of course he went. truly one of the easiest going, fine actors around (BP, obviously)

8-C I had to clean out Oliver Stone's hotel room one morning, because he didn't realize we were moving locations and not coming back that night. He had an unopened bottle of Cristal champagne and some maroon jockey briefs in the bathroom he was worried i might not see, i guess. It was weird.

11-J Moranis had the cell phone meltdown.

David said...


I got exactly 1 correct, if I a) don't count the already answered ones but b) give myself credit that I knews BJs for DJ.

At least I have a new phrase for whenever I see the former Mr. Nash Bridges.

Joanne said...

Awesome. I love you. And do you have any Scott Rudin stories?

archeress said...

i never worked for anyone quite as bad as rudin. i know a few people who have been fired by him. it's sort of a badge of honor in the business.